That…that is a frightening statement.

My entire life…how the pathways in my brain work…the road I am on…all of it is based on other people. So…who am I when I take other people out of the equation?

When I first started to attempt to answer this question, I really did not know where to go. So I shifted…what would I lose if no one else mattered?

• Negative thoughts based on assumed others perceptions.
• Shame, guilt, anxiety, depression.
• Boundaries based on how others may be impacted.
• Feelings of restraint.

Those I could all stand to lose.

Granted…all of those I created myself. We often forget that our thoughts based on the experiences we have and what we assume from others, is all just that. Ours. We give each other so much power and in the process take away our own. It’s ironic…I am incredibly intentional when I am speaking with others. When I know I am in a position where whatever I say next may have a significant impact, I ensure that my words imbue that power back to the listener. Reminding them they had the power the entire time. Of course, I can’t do that for myself…

That is clearly the running theme of this blog….certainly is starting to feel like a running gag…

Going back to who I am, I find a list of “titles”…

• Gamer
• Psychologist
• Photographer
• Empath
• Writer

Are titles just another list of achievements? If I am these things, or these many things, that holds worth? Maybe it is just easier to have that singular word. When I told my students that I am a gamer, after the shock and awe and the deluge of questions about what games I play ended, there were connections with students that hadn’t been there before. However, if you dive deeper, my version of gaming and why I game is different than why and how they game. Did we miss that meaning or just settle on the broad ven diagram and hoped we are somewhere in the middle? Is the presumed connection actually a connection? Is that enough?

At some point there will be a post about language. How much of our perception, personality, world, is derived from the language we speak. The meaning of words can be expressive and expansive….while also quite limiting.

I have been considering the above statement for a few weeks now….who am I when no one else matters…I do not know. Or rather…I do not think I have the words. Words enough to try to explain and send out into the ether.

Not yet.