“Connection: a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.”
“Community: a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.”
“Fellowship: friendly association, especially with people who share one’s interests.”
“Soulmate: a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.”
– Oxford Languages
Connection is of course my running theme. Not just for this blog but has been throughout my life. I always felt a lack of connection. Since my experiences with other humans were typically not fulfilling, I found the substitute for that loss in books, writing, nature, and imagination. There is nothing wrong or less than finding a connection in these places. They are a cornerstone for positive mental health, grounding, self-actualization, and the forward movement of our world. As a species, we will look for connections that help validate our existence and build a community that ensures our survival. The following is a brief example of a connection that is shining a bit brighter during this time.
On my side of the world, we are approaching summer, which means goodbyes. Due to my change in employers, I had to say goodbye to one of my favorite schools. It is a small Montessori school with roughly 80 students and a handful of staff. One of my first memories was walking into their office and introducing myself as their School Psychologist Intern. It was the first time they had contracted with my employer and it was the first time I introduced myself in my new role.
This past week I had to tell the staff and students that I would not be with them next year.
After four years of working with these students, through pandemics, trauma, small successes, large achievements, and personal and philosophical change on all sides, I realized that I was leaving a community. This site was the one that pulled me through my weeks. I shared laughter, hugs, tears, serious conversations, and completely hilarious topics that only kids could fathom. When I told the staff, they shared a tradition with me that I had not expected. They went around the table stating what they appreciated about me (As you can guess, I am terrible at accepting compliments or positive praise.)
My patience and calm were acknowledged even in the toughest of challenges. My ideas and suggestions transformed how a teacher taught and interacted with his students. How I was willing to work with them and alongside them instead of fighting them as their philosophy is not what is considered traditional in public education. On the verge of tears, I let them know that they had a larger impact on me than I had expected and that leaving them was a difficult decision. Telling the students resulted in collective “no’s.” I gave them a few weeks before summer so they have time to process. Long-term impacts are not necessarily something children can fathom so I suspect that this is harder for me than them.
A point to note regarding my life is that from 2001 through 2013 I moved yearly and I changed jobs at least every three years if not more often. I am quite used to leaving and knowing that the space that was created will be filled with something or someone else. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. Prior to that, I was used to friendships coming and going, and people moving in and out of my life, which solidified my relationship to change. I actually crave it. When you live in a type of environment for so long, you will seek to recreate it when it is not there.
This created a detachment from connection despite my desire for it.
The red string of fate is a belief that we all have a red string tied to our finger that connects us to others that will have a significant impact on our lives. Often it is referred to as meaning that you are connected to your soulmate, though I see us having multiple strings with multiple people who come and go in our lives. The strings never tangle or break no matter the time or distance. What I love most about this legend is the distinctiveness of it. The intimacy that a particular individual will have on your life. When I am seeking connection, I am looking for something deeper and more fulfilling than a group or club. However, it feels overwhelmingly like a needle in a haystack…and I keep moving from haystack to haystack and sometimes the occasional molehill. Molehill? Yes…the old adage of making a mountain out of a molehill meaning making something bigger than it is.
I may not be able to evoke the proper image, however, envision a spectrum…one side is a complete disconnect, cold shoulder, walls several feet thick. The other side is emotions boiling over in a rush of wanting to be accepted, validated, valued, and seen. Both are overwhelming in their own ways, both make finding a true bond extremely difficult. The utter peace that may be found in the middle is like floating in a calm sea, warm and loved with nothing but the freedom to move as you are and grow without restrictions. The energy that shoots me between one extreme to the other reminds me of Pong. It also necessitates Newtons first law.
“Newton’s first law states that every object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless compelled to change its state by the action of an external force. This tendency to resist changes in a state of motion is inertia. If all the external forces cancel each other out, then there is no net force acting on the object. ”
NASA. (2022, October 27). Newton’s laws of motion – Glenn Research Center. NASA. https://www1.grc.nasa.gov/beginners-guide-to-aeronautics/newtons-laws-of-motion/#:~:text=Newton’s%20First%20Law%3A%20Inertia&text=Newton’s%20first%20law%20states%20that,state%20of%20motion%20is%20inertia.
I recognize that I do not have the skills to stop this momentum on my own. I have cultivated a level of inertia that keeps me bouncing in chaos. I need help from an outside force to find that calm center and stop the momentum.
And that outside force?
That’s on the other side of the red thread.
Into The Ether 